Soon it will be 2009, and then, before long, it will be Awards Season: the Oscars, the Screen Actors Guild, and Golden Globes, and of course, the ceremony that is claiming an increasing share of the public’s attention(citation needed), the Wikipedia Review WP:DICK of Distinction Awards Pageant.

It’s all about the Drama. For serious contestants, Wikipedia is WP:NOT an encyclopedia, but a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (MMORPG.) We here at the Review are doing our part by polling members of our own Academy to determine which contestants should be recognized for a truly stellar performance.

The first polling took place in 2006. That year, the coveted award for “Most Abusive Admin” went to SlimVirgin, providing an important boost to her career and helping to propel her to notability.

The Jimbo

In 2007, the members of the Academy adopted the name “WP:DICK of Distinction” for the award to be given to the most abusive performance by an admin, along with a virtual statuette called the “Jimbo.” Other  new categories were adopted for recognition of outstanding contestants. Here are the results:

The final results are in for the 2007 WP:DICK of Distinction polling. In an amazing eleventh-hour upset victory, Cyde (17 points) takes the honors, with SlimVirgin (16 points) making a strong showing in the runner-up position. Third place goes to Will Beback (5 points,) with Zoe in the fourth position and Jayjg in fifth.

Despite her narrow loss to Cyde, SlimVirgin has continued to be a real juggernaut in the WP:DICK competition, with a unique style and an aggressive, take-no-prisoners sportsmanship that has inspired numerous Fan Sites like this one.

The buzz around tinseltown is that next year Jayjg may be up for a Best Supporting Admin, due to his acclaimed work with SlimVirgin in the tag-team POV Pushing events. Critics are comparing their interplay to some of the all-time great “buddy movies” like “Lethal Weapon.” Hey, look! Wikipedia actually has an article on buddy cop movies!

SlimVirgin also swept the Miss Incongeniality Pageant, after Kelly Martin was disqualified for not being a current admin, in a move that brought inevitable comparisons to East German olympic athletes. The competition for second place was intense, ending in a three-way tie between Will Beback, Radiant and Fred Bauder.

The Straight Shooter Award, for admins that actually try to play a constructive role, this year was awarded jointly to Ashibaka and Tawker, who received equal votes in the polling. Mailer Diablo came in second, with Honorable Mention for Antadrus, FCYTravis, Firsfron, and Rama’s Arrow.

The following year, in 2008, interest in the awards pageant swelled, and new categories were added:

…and, the top award in the 3rd Annual WP:DICK of Distinction awards pageant goes to:

JzG! (cue theme music)

JzG is a perennial favorite, here at the Review. He has plenty of colorful idiosyncracies, such as his celebrated Big Boob edits, and has also taken a strong interest in our work. So, it gives me great pleasure to present this year’s Jimbo® statuette to JzG.

In a dramatic eleventh-hour rally, the ever-popular SlimVirgin edged out Jayjg for the silver medal in the WP:DICK competition, winning by a scant 2 points. SlimVirgin and Jayjg, both fierce competitors, will nonetheless go back to regular collaboration on Wikipedia projects of mutual interest, demonstrating to a whole new generation of young Wikipediots the true meaning of sportsmanship.

In the other categories, the competition for the Miss Incongeniality award was tremendously close, but in the end, JzG came from behind and emerged from the pack to claim the honors. This is clearly the year of JzG!

In the Tag-Team Event, the competition was dominated from the start by the power-team of SlimVirgin and Crum375, known to their legions of fans as Slum.

Finally, in the much-talked-about Straight Shooter event, we have encountered a bit of a SNAFU in this year’s pageant, undoubtedly due in some way to the recent writers’ strike which is now over, thank god. Due to improper vetting of nominees by the sole member of our Program and Catering Committee, nominees were accepted who were not Wikipedia admins, and by definition, the Straight Shooter Award goes to the most honest admin. So, the P and C Committee pulled an all-nighter and came up with the following solution:

* This year’s Straight Shooter award goes to Alison, who was far and away the top vote-getter among admins. The runner-up honors go to Viridae, who as it turns out is still indeed an admin.

* For the two nominees who got a tremendous response from the Academy despite the fact that they are not admins, we institute the Cojones de latón award, which we proudly present to Giano, with the runner-up award going to Cla68. These gentlemen have distinguished themselves by a valiant opposition to the cabal, conducted with élan and razor-sharp argumentation.

So, in conclusion, hearty congratulations to all our nominees. You all looked great on the red carpet (especially you, David Gerard,) and may the next year be equally productive for everyone!

Nominations for the 2009 awards pageant will open in late January.