Wikipedia fan fiction, Oh Jimbo, she gasped as I thrust my turgid prose... Options

[carbuncle]

I guess it was inevitable. Please enjoy this really, really lame piece of soft-core porn Wikipedia fan fiction:

"M-Mr. Wales? You wanted to see me?"

Her words jolted me from my trance and I immediately returned to presence.

"Oh, ah... I did want to see you," I nervously stumbled over my words. "I mean ah, well, yes. I wanted to see you - I mean speak to you." She smiled at my nervous attempt to speak, but I knew she was just as nervous as I was. "I mean... I mean call me Jimbo. Jimbo Wales. You don't need to call me Mr. Wales."

She smiled serenely again, a lock of her blue hair falling over her eye. She gently brushed it back into place.

Clearly the author hasn't seen those text messages allegedly sent by Jimbo to the completely sane and not crazy at all Rachel Marsden.

[The Wales Hunter]

Jimmy deleted the slash fiction!

12:54, 2 January 2010 Jimbo Wales (talk | contribs) deleted "User:7107delicious/Wikipedia stories" ‎ (G10: Attack page or negative unsourced BLP)

Thank you for pointing this page out, Skomorokh. I have deleted it. I would block the user, but since the page was a pornographic story written about me, some might consider me to have a conflict of interest, so I'll let someone else deal with that aspect of things.--Jimbo Wales (talk) 11:57, 2 January 2010 (UTC)

Please tell me someone took a copy first?

This post has been edited by The Wales Hunter:

[thekohser]

Jimmy deleted the slash fiction!

12:54, 2 January 2010 Jimbo Wales (talk | contribs) deleted "User:7107delicious/Wikipedia stories" ‎ (G10: Attack page or negative unsourced BLP)

Thank you for pointing this page out, Skomorokh. I have deleted it. I would block the user, but since the page was a pornographic story written about me, some might consider me to have a conflict of interest, so I'll let someone else deal with that aspect of things.--Jimbo Wales (talk) 11:57, 2 January 2010 (UTC)

Please tell me someone took a copy first?

I suppose that all has to do with the e-mail I sent Jimbo about the page in the wee hours of last night. I congratulated him on the WMF meeting its financial goal, and I expressed delight in how the server space was being thusly utilized:

==The Story of Wikipe-tan==
I just can't stand it. When I see her I can only grit my teeth and clench my fists as hard as I can from jumping out and screaming "I love you!" at the top of my lungs. I literally have to bite down on my tongue, sometimes until it bleeds or else I'll lose control and caress her with kisses until the end of the world. She's just so beautiful. Not in that super model barbie doll way. She's legitimately beautiful. The super models put on make up and dress up and get air brushed so they can look like her. She doesn't need that shit, she's wonderful on her own.

"Mr. Wales, you have a visitor." It's my secretary. I tell her to let her in, I already know who it is. I asked her to come to my office so we could talk. Not about work or anything, just... talk. I know it's against office policy but I just want to see her again. That gorgeous, naive smile, those huge, innocent eyes that seemed to take in the world so carefully. Her body was small, delicate, as if the slightest breeze would shatter her like a glass rose. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Always. She was always on my mind.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in, Wikipe-tan."

I could see the very edges of her lips move, forming a subtle smile as she gracefully took a seat opposite me. She sat there, so serenely, her hands holded on her lap like the necks of two swans asleep in a lover's embrace. I could see her feet moving nervously and her back was stiff with tension. Still, she was more beautiful than I had remembered. I stared at her a moment, drinking in her hour glass curves and supple, almost nubile body.

"M-Mr. Wales? You wanted to see me?"

Her words jolted me from my trance and I immediately returned to presence.

"Oh, ah... I did want to see you," I nervously stumbled over my words. "I mean ah, well, yes. I wanted to see you - I mean speak to you." She smiled at my nervous attempt to speak, but I knew she was just as nervous as I was. "I mean... I mean call me Jimbo. Jimbo Wales. You don't need to call me Mr. Wales."

She smiled serenely again, a lock of her blue hair falling over her eye. She gently brushed it back into place.

"I asked you to my office, Wikipe-tan, because I wanted you to know that I lov-" I clenched my fist and took a deep breath, steadying myself. "I mean, I wanted to know if... if you'd like to go to dinner with me." I did it. I actually asked her. I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner with me. I couldn't believe I'd actually done it. There was silence for a moment; it was almost like I could see her thoughts through her clear eyes. I held my breath waiting for an answer.

Then her sweet, melodic voice broke the silence. "I'd like that." My heart raced, I couldn't find the words to say. I wanted to jump up and down and shout for hours about how Wikipe-tan and I were going on a date, and I probably would have if I hadn't clenched my fist so tightly that the whites of my knuckles were visible. The brief pain brought me back.

"I, uh," I stammered, "I'm glad. I'll have uh, I'll have my secretary make the arrangements, okay?"

"Okay."

She lithely got up from her chair and made for the door, her slender body swaying slightly as she moved. I couldn't help but shout "YES!" in jubilation as she left the room. In just a few hours, we'd be on our first date.

* *

"You... you look amazing," was all I was able to stammer as I gaped in awe at her. The intricate, silk kimono she wore was tight on her body, displaying her nubile curves. She grinned slightly.

"Thank you, Mr. Wales," she responded.

"We went over this, Wikipe-tan. Call me Jimbo."

"O-okay, Jimbo."

I couldn't take my eyes off of her, she was so beautiful, so radiant. Her crimson red lipstick shimmered on her lips and signaled to me almost like a lighthouse signaling a ship. I wanted to reach over the table, kiss her, and it took all my willpower to stop myself from doing it. I couldn't believe it, I was actually at dinner with Wikipe-tan. I felt like I was going crazy, I wanted to touch her, to feel her willowy body in my arms and hold her forever, to let her know she'd be safe in my arms and that I would never let go. I'd gently caress her with the tips of my fingers, running them from her head to her back, up and down, tickling her delicate frame.

I shook myself. What the hell was I thinking? I needed a drink to calm myself down. I reached over to get a drink from my wineglass, but my hand bumped into something. It was Wikipe-tan's hand. She was holding the glass.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I quickly apologized.

She grinned softly again and I realized I hadn't taken my hand off of hers yet. I quickly let go and put my hand in my lap, but she began to giggle. "There's no need to be sorry." I laughed too. We both let out belly laughs and I could feel the tension between us drifting away. The mood was lightening.

"I want to know about you, Wikipe-tan. I want you to tell me about yourself, what makes you tick, what you like and dislike." I told her.

"I don't know what there is to tell," she said softly. "I'm just an ordinary girl from the city. There's nothing special about me."

"I don't think so," I said. "I... I think you're very special, Wikipe-tan. I think that you're a lot different from the other girls and I..." I paused for a moment, trying to think of what to say, "I like that."

"Thank you, Mr... Jimbo. I," she looked down and blushed, "I think you're special too."

I placed my hand back on the table and slowly inched it towards hers. Her skin was soft, downy to the touch and her hands were small and delicate. She smiled as I placed my hands around hers; I could feel a real connection.

"I think you're very beautiful, Wikipe-tan. I've..." I sighed, my eyes glancing away in embarrassment. "I've thought that for a long time."

"Thank you..." She blushed again and brushed a stray lock of her blue hair. "I'm... I'm not so good with compliments."

"You don't get them often?" I asked.

"No..." She said. "You're my first." She smiled at me, but her eyes widened when she considered the double meaning of her words. "No, no, I mean that you're the first person to have ever called me beautiful!" She quickly exclaimed.

I grinned a little and looked back at her. "You're my first too."

"What do you mean?" She asked quizzically.

"The first girl I've ever called beautiful."

* *

"This is where I live," she told me, her hand still clasped in my own. "It's nothing special, just a small apartment. Would you like to come in?"

I couldn't believe it. Wikipe-tan wanted me to come into her home. I squeezed her hand a little in exhilaration and nodded, "I-I'd love to." She and I walked inside the old building, hands locked together, and walked up the stairs to her apartment. She unlocked the door and we stepped inside. The first thing I immediately noticed was the number of beautifully-drawn anime wall scrolls hanging on her walls.

"I'm an aspiring manga-ka," she said bashfully. I stepped over to look at one of her pictures, a warrior with a katana clad in red robes cleaving through a swath of foes. In the corner I recognized the Japanese character for 'Inuyasha'.

"Is this Inuyasha?" I asked her.

She nodded timidly, "Yes," she squeaked.

"This is... amazing," I gasped. "Why didn't you tell anyone about your drawings?"

She gazed at her feet in embarrassment, "I didn't think anyone would care..." I stepped over to her and ran my fingers through her hair, pressing her against my chest. I don't know if she was expecting it or not, but she didn't fight back. She held me too and looked into my eyes. I'm not entirely sure how long I was locked into her eyes, but it felt like an eternity of bliss.

"They're not blue." I said.

"Wh-what?"

"Your eyes, they're not blue." I paused for a moment and looked at them again. "They're... They're sapphire."

She smiled, and for a moment I thought she was going to say something, but then I felt her press in closer to me. She pressed her soft, angelic lips against mine and I felt a surge go through my body. I held her close, her fragile body in locked against mine as I explored her velvet lips with my own.

"There's... something I want to show you," Wikipe-tan spoke softly. She grabbed my hand without waiting for an answer and lead me through her apartment until we finally arrived in her bedroom. She laid me down on the bed and I pressed myself against her. I could feel my engorged member rising as the heat of the moment escalated. She kissed me again and spoke softly into my ear. "I... I want you to be my first."

"I want you to be mine too."

* *

I held her closely in my arms, underneath the protective covers of her bed sheet. I couldn't tell if she was still awake or not. My fingers ran up and down her back and I listened to her gentle rhythmic breathing, watching as her nubile chest moved up and down with each breath. I smelled her soft, blue hair and kissed her forehead.

"I... I love you, Wikipe-tan." My whisper was barely audible underneath the chirping of the crickets in the midnight air. She squirmed a little in my arms, rustling the covers, and then looked back up at me. She kissed my chin gently and put her hand on my naked chest.

"I love you too..." she whispered. I smiled a little.

"I've... I've wanted to tell you that for such a long time." I told her.

"Me too." Her eyes slowly closed and her breathing slowed down. I held her against my chest and kissed her one last time before she fell asleep.